From a personal or global perspective, what is hurting us more? The attacks or our defenses?

We need to defend ourselves or we become the perfect victim. There are bullies who will use defenselessness as an invitation to coerce again and again. We have to balance our defenses and ertiveness in order to not be overly defensive, reactionary, or aggressive in how we perceive others. We usually develop a style to drop our defensiveness and open up to others if in good company.